Confused! That's Me Right Now

Life’s been a roller coaster ride recently. The kind of things that I have been doing these days has been completely different than what I used to do before. I have never done things like this and had never thought I had the energy or the necessity to do anything like this. I always thought that I am the lazy guy who loves his bed so much that all he can think of is computers and sleep; of course with a little bit of adventure when I really get tired of sleeping. I thought I knew what I need to do; what I want in life; where I want to be; I thought I had my life chalked out. But, life’s such a mystery that it always amazes; in fact, surprises; you.

Yes, I am philosophical nowadays. I like stuff that I never would have cared for before; am doing things that were out of my world before. I am watching movies that never made any sense to me before. I am thinking too much now. Man! This thing feels horrible as well as good sometimes. I guess I am confused a little bit; little bit, huh!

I wanted to ride the Harley, roam the country side for days. I wanted to jump from the sky on a parachute. I wanted to do the Himalayan Odyssey on a Thunderbird. I wanted to bungee jump, parasail and …. All this makes no sense now; if I am doing it alone. I have never known this feeling before; painful and beautiful at the same time. All the things that i have done till now were with people i enjoyed spending time with; Chiku, Prem, Girish, Bhupi, Vishal (2), Mangesh, Deepa, Makarand, Manoj, Chacha, ...., and a lot more. None of them with me now. I will be traveling soon to new places with new challenges and thrills of its own. But seriously, if i think i really will never enjoy them as long as I do not have these people around me. I times that we had, the fun we have had, the talks, the good the bad, all come back to me; and i now think, will life be the same again. And that confuses you, whether you want certain changes to happen or you want things to remain the same. I guess life always surprises you you with stuff like that; and you have to move on. But untill you move on, it always is pretty hard to think and imagine that. I hope that i find all my friends again and we have the same time as we had in Mysore.

I’m confused what I really want this time.